Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
