im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
