I haven't been this sober since birth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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