Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
