Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
