that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
