is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have already put on my inside pants.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize