omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
