When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
