Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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