I think I died a long time ago.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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