see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
