hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
