I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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