I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
