Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
