I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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