Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
