KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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