we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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