the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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