I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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