On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize