i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
