so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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