OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
