living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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