they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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