If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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