thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
