Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
