All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
