i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
