Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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