so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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