Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
