4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
