he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
