Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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