I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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