I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
