If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
