4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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