Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
