I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
