i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
