is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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