so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
