there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
