You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
