Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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