My room smells like vodka and shame
You work out of a Hotel?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
