pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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