I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
