having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize