Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
