is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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