We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
