I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
