My sheets look like a crime scene.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
