If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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