i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
