nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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