Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
