So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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