So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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