Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize