My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
