They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
