I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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