and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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