I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
