Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Someone shattered a urinal.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
