Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
