he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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